Oxytocin + Vasopressin

 

I used to make unreasonable wishes

A month ago I simply wished for "something good"

And then

There you were.

----

Sometimes life is an Escher piece -

a complete mindfuck in shades of grey.

I wanted to create art so badly

& then in the Spring I met you.

Folded into you like an origami crane -

I wish that I'd folded into a thousand.

Then I would have wished for a good thing

To stay.

--- 

Everything with you had felt foreign

But I think I knew this language in another life

I think I spoke your name and at one point 

It meant home.

---

I was raised

already wilting.

At three years old I knew what it meant

to be touched by 

evil men

And when I was fourteen I thought I loved 

an evil man.

And at twenty I thought all that existed were

evil men.

But here I am writing because you exist.

i spend every day hoping

you are not another

evil man.

--- 

I still have the candle from my sixteenth birthday

Hidden in a little brown box

I still have the card I bought when I was ten years old

I told my mother

"I'll give this to the person I love someday"

I still have the bad poetry and the decade old songs

I still have every tangible piece of hope

I hope it still exists inside me

----

i. first him

like the cigarette 

i tried when i was thirteen

you were short-lived

unsatisfying

& left me weaker than you

found me 

ii. second him

i don't know if these are the right

words to use, but

when i think of waking up with you

in the morning

i no longer have the urge to migrate

whether it be someplace

warmer

or colder

i don't mind staying for awhile

---